Been eating so much lately to the extent that I'm gonna fall into food coma very soon lol. But oh well, food makes me happy. Had so much meat just now and just by thinking about the amount of fats I'm gonna gain is... pretty scary. Nonetheless, I think I've found the best Korean BBQ place ever bcos the meat there is just really too good to be true!!! *inserts heart-shaped eyes emoji*

Went back for training yesterday and I must say that I'm really disappointed at myself for being so weak. Yes, weak; both physically and mentally. I can't believe how weak my mental strength actually is now. Where has all my perseverance and determination in the past gone to? I used to enjoy running quite a bit but now, to my horror, I actually found training torturous. But yes, it happens, bcos I haven't been to training for a few months. Still... I didn't expect it to be this bad. It was really pretty demoralising. But yea, 'the starting is always the toughest'. Hopefully training on Monday will be better. By that I mean, hopefully my performance will be better. Guess I really gotta start going back for training consistently and not MIA as and when I like anymore. Otherwise I'll never get to see/ feel the change at this rate. I want to be fitter. I want to be stronger. And in order for that to happen, I have to start going back to training every week. So gonna die for 2XU next Sunday... :-( but it's okay. It's gonna be my first ever 21km after all. I shall just try and do my best!

Idk why but I felt that there's a distance between us yesterday. Was it just me being over-sensitive, or did something really feel 'off'? I hope it was just me being too over-sensitive bcos I was so damn freaking tired after training. So many thoughts were in my head last night till I thought that my head was going to explode. Thank God that I slept it off. But I had so many weird dreams... like of people dying. Which was really weird.

I really miss you quite a lot... But I don't have the courage to tell you that. Idk why is that so, though, since I've already told you about my feelings time and over again... Sigh. I should have faith in you, right? In us too. Or is there no us in the first place? Sometimes it really sucks to feel. Sometimes it's just too tempting to go back to being numb all over again. But for the sake of you, I shall just continue having faith. I will wait for you, bcos... I.............you.